She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
