we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize