And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
