So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
