I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
