Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
