We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
