Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm sobbing to NWA
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
