Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
