....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
