i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My life is pants optional.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
