At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Drunk is a universal language darling
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
