just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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