Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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