he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
