I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
