The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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