please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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