U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
