I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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