had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
