How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
