it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm at about main and main street
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Randomize
