I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize