i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
