Already got asked if we're dating
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
