HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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