are you still at the devil's house?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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