i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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