I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
