i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he was CRYING into my vagina
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
