I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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