Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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