I think my vagina is haunted
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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