I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
