Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Hippo gnu deer
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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