the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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