the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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