You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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