I just cut my nipple shaving
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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