Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize