The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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