I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize