how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
