Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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