So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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