I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I understand Curling. That high.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize