the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
