I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
