I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
