Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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