It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
