No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
