Whod you bang
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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