this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
