Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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