Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
