I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize