He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
