He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
