It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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