I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
