just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Why is your signature on my underwear?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
