It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
