Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
