Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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