dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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