If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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