is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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