he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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