sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
