Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize