So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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