I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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