is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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