It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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