I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize