every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
