I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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