I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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