Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
