DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
