The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
