My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
