i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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