I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
