How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize