when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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