So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
