I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
