My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
