There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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