If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
