Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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