she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
