I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
