so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize