Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
