you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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