from now on my penis is your penis
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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