We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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