I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
