90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
