dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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